VGK: Forever and Always

VGK: Forever and Always

Friday, June 8, 2018

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I’ve been super emotional the last few days and especially today. Not because we didn’t win the Stanley Cup, but what we all have experienced the last 8+ months and woke up to this morning was much more than anything a Stanley Cup could ever give us. The way everyone has opened their hearts to this VGK Family is like no other. Every time I think I am ok, I go online and read what someone wrote, or I watch a video of Fluery apologizing or Tuch crying because he’s so emotional and just can’t keep it in. 

Or I read things like this:

And I lose it all over again.

Let me repeat that I am not emotional because we didn’t win last night. I am happy and at peace and even though I think some Capitals players are dirty, they ultimately played a better game. I am not going to say they were the better team, but they played better than we did. For us, this is so much more than just hockey. This is something bigger than the game itself. 

I am emotional as to what this team has not only given this city and their fans this season, but also my little family. The support and love from everyone has been outstanding. The friendships developed and the messages received whether in person or through social media giving my Husband a compliment or thanking me for sharing him with everyone (haha) or saying how adorable our kids are (aka Gameday Griff) are unbelievable and humbling.  Also, I want to thank you for helping me heal. Thank you for reaching out and chatting or saying Hi at games. Thank you for taking my mind away even for a minute from any dark space. Thank you for the hugs and high fives. Thank you for embracing us. Thank you for being there and being you.

 The D Fam will always be Minnesota WILD fans and hold a special place in our heart for that team because that is where Wayne and I grew up, but Las Vegas is our home now and the Vegas Golden Knights are OUR team. And I’m not talking about just the players, but everyone who had anything to do with the team from the coaches to behind the scenes and especially the fans and our city. 

OUR CITY! 

The way our city embraced this team and rallied together and will continue to rally together for seasons and years to come.

We won a lot more this season than a Stanley Cup that's for sure and for that I
thank you friends from the bottom of my heart.

#vgk #alwaysandforever #vegasstrong #vegasborn

NHL NOW with Big D

NHL NOW with Big D

Friday, June 1, 2018

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So this happened yesterday afternoon. My Husband was asked by the show NHL NOW to be on their afternoon broadcast before game 2. They have been broadcasting right outside the arena all weekend since before game one.

PROUD doesn't even begin to describe my feelings!! He did such a good job!

What's Up Wednesday [Five Thirty Eighteen]

What's Up Wednesday [Five Thirty Eighteen]

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

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What we are eating this week month...

Sushi

Tacos

What I'm reminiscing about...

Date night

Country in the Park

Locash and Billy Currington

What I'm loving...

My Young Living Essential Oils

Love waking up in the morning and diffusing Peppermint. Has so many benefits and helps motivate me to get things checked off my to do list!! #essentialOils #yleo #YoungLiving #nontoxic #naturalproducts #oilylife #oilymom #lifechanging #younglivingoils #younglivingEO #BeginnerOils #diffuser #oilsforthewin #wellness #weekendvibes

A post shared by Leah // Lifestyle Mom Blogger (@mrsmamad) on May 26, 2018 at 10:27am PDT

What we've been up to...

We have been trying to enjoy this view as much as possible....

What I'm dreading...

I'm not really dreading anything. I'm looking forward to the summer with the family!

What I'm working on...

This blog and getting caught up on pictures. I'm also getting more acquainted with Young Living.

What I'm excited about...

June hopefully brings a Stanely Cup to Vegas, more Aces games, family visiting from Minnesota, Hailey turning 7 (even though I'm not really excited about that) and another family trip to DISNEYLAND!!!

What I'm watching/reading...

What I'm listening to...

Loving these tunes lately. #mrsmamadsplaylist #dance

A post shared by Leah // Lifestyle Mom Blogger (@mrsmamad) on May 14, 2018 at 4:38pm PDT

What I'm wearing...

It's getting warmer and warmer in Vegas, so dresses, capris and tanks to work and shorts and tanks and swimsuits on the weekends.

What I'm doing this weekend...

Friday night is 95.5 The Bull's concert featuring Dylan Scott at Red Rocks Lounge. We have a lot of friends going, so I'm really looking forward to a night out.

Saturday is game 3 of the Stanley Cup Final, so Wayne will be working the watch party.

Sunday is family day, which means we will most likely grill and have some pool time!!

What I'm looking forward to next month...

I hope the month of June brings a Stanley Cup to Vegas. I also want to explore more and more with my essential oils.

What else is new...Wayne started with the Las Vegas Aces over this past weekend. We are #AllIn

The D fam is proud to be #AllIn with our newest professional sports team, the Las Vegas Aces!!

A post shared by BigDradio (@bigdradio) on May 27, 2018 at 9:53pm PDT

Friday Favorites [Five Twenty-Five Eighteen]

Friday Favorites [Five Twenty-Five Eighteen]

Friday, May 25, 2018

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Happy Friday friends. Oh what a busy time in the D House.  I plan on doing more of a life update next week, but just know that (1) the Las Vegas Aces WNBA team's first home game is this Sunday and Wayne is the "Fan Correspondent" for them so he will be doing all the home games just like he does the VGK games (2) the Vegas Golden Knights are going to the Stanley Cup which starts on Monday and runs for the next 3 weeks, and (3) our not so little girl, Hailey finished her last day of 1st grade yesterday, which officially makes her a 2nd grader! Wah!! Where does the time go?!

Anyways, I just wanted to share a few things I am loving lately. I got these Tory Burch sandals a few weeks ago. They were on major sale, so that is the only reason why I got them. They are a major splurge, but I love them so much! #boujee

I am loving these cookies...Nutter Butter Peanut Pattie. #addicting

 

I got this letter board from Target a few months back (It's black and gold, what can I say). I'm trying to figure out what I should put on it for this next and final round against the Washington Capitals. #nocapsno

Happy Monday. We are still in shock in The D House and can’t believe it actually happened. Let’s make it a good week to the start of the Stanley Cup Final. We will find out who we are playing against soon and then i can change our board. Give me your recommendations below! #stanleycupfinal #vegasborn #vegaslocal #vegaslife #hockeytownLV

A post shared by Leah // Lifestyle Mom Blogger (@mrsmamad) on May 21, 2018 at 12:25pm PDT

Anyways, Happy Friday. I hope y'all have a wonderful Memorial Day weekend. I am very much looking forward to my 3 day weekend. It will be spent by the pool, getting some organization done around the house, watching sports of course and eating some great food!!!!

NHL: Game Changers - "Knight Fever"

NHL: Game Changers - "Knight Fever"

Thursday, May 3, 2018

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If you have 22 minutes (it's a quick watch), please take the time to watch this episode that NBC Sports did on the Vegas Golden Knights. My hubby is in it, but more importantly it shows why this team is so special and is so important to not only me and my family, but also our city.

We cherish all our new friends that we have made since September through being involved with the Vegas Golden Knights and our love for hockey.

Let me also explain that both me and my Husband grew up in Minnesota. The state of ice hockey. Mighty Ducks anyone? He was somewhat a fan of the North Stars before they left. Then in came the Wild years later. Both of us didn't grow up watching or loving professional hockey the way we were brought up loving professional football (Go Vikes) or even professional baseball for him (Go Twins). So even though we had a hockey team and of course rooted for them and went to an occasional game here or there, we were never really diehard WILD fans. I didn't even really like watching hockey on TV to be honest.

But then a few things happened last fall and things changed. Does that make me a band-wagoner? Maybe. Do I care? Nope. Not one bit.

A few points:

1. My Hubby started working with the team as the in arena game host. That in itself was a direct link to the team and fans. I knew at that point I would be immersed into the world, but I just didn't know then what I do now;

2. The events of 1 October happened and the way the whole team, organization and really the NHL in general handled everything and paid tribute to everyone was incredible. To the opening day ceremonies around the league and our first home game on October 10, 2018. Everything was so special and emotional and healing all at the same time; and, last but certainly not least,

3. We started to and continue to feel the sense of community within the fan base. We have met such awesome people and made such great connections and friends through this team and organization that it amplifies it even more. I think with only living in Vegas for about 3 years and not having many friends here, this team and the VGK community came around for our little family at just the perfect time.

So yes, through all of this I have really loved going to games and even watching them on TV. If you would have told me 5 years ago I would be this big of a hockey fan as I am today, I would have said no way, but like I explained above, things changed and I will forever be a Vegas Golden Knights fan.

Love > Hate

Love > Hate

Thursday, March 8, 2018

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I've been slowly putting together this post over the last few weeks partly because I didn't know 100% on what I wanted to all put into it because to me there is just so much I could say, but mostly because I just haven't had time. Between being slammed at work (read: our receptionist/legal secretary walked out) all the home VGK games which kept Wayne busy and me being a single parent most nights, putting our beloved 11 year old cocker spaniel, Puckett, down after him being sick for 3 weeks, Disneyland with the family and just life in general.

I just haven't had much time for this little space as I had hoped for this year so far.

But back to the topic of this post because I am still seeing various things in which I want to touch and write about.

I've seen a lot of various responses from people over the last few weeks when someone, like me, brings up even the topic of gun reform and the hope of one day seeing some sort of gun reform talk be STARTED. Some sort of change. I am not naive to the fact that it's not going to happen overnight and that it will not solve or fix all the gun problems or violence in this country. There are way too many issues for that.

But when I say Nevada has little to no gun law. That scares me. When I know there is no state to state gun law. That scares me. When you can buy guns at a gun show or online and there is no regulation or registration for that.

And I am not saying I am the most knowledgeable about guns or laws, but that shouldn't matter if you are or not. You should still want gun regulation.

Instead I hear:

"Let's just love one another."

"If people were more accepting of other's, than things like this wouldn't happen."

"Gun reform isn't going to change anything."

"Guns are not the problem, _________ is." Insert another excuse.

Now let me preface this with saying, I agree. In a perfect world we would all love each other and be more accepting of others, there would also be no poor people, no hungry people, no homeless, everyone would be able to be their authentic selves without getting ridiculed for it. The list goes on and on.

But to me the one constant from these people that I keep hearing these GOD DAMN excuses from are people who voted for Trump and support someone who is the epitome of hate and nonacceptance. Someone whose main goal is to stir the pot and make sure it's being stirred on a daily basis.

Some of these people also support a Vice President who believes that "conversion therapy" ACTUALLY works. Really? We're back to that?

I don't like to lump all Conservatives into one basket. Just like I don't like it when someone lumps all Democrats into one basket.

But I cannot support a political party who doesn't support the LGBTQ community. A political party who supports white supremacist groups. Who still use words like fa**ot and ni**er. To me THOSE things are what are driving this country into the ground. In no way shape or form is that "Making America Great Again."

How can you preach all those inclusive things when the very people you are supporting are the exact opposite of love and acceptance?

Don't tell me that if the shooter wasn't white, then the excuses would be ISIS or religion or whatever else you can pin it on. It's always an excuse.

Preaching love and acceptance, but then not really supporting it in the real world or calling someone out on their bullshit when using derogatory words like that because it's all just in fun. I have people in my own family that still use those words and have this way of thinking. Don't think that they don't know how I feel about it. They do.

Talking about humanization and how people relate to each other, but then not being accepting of someone for who they really are and supporting an agenda that tears people down instead of lifting people up.

I say you look in the mirror. What are you doing to help with that?

I'd Be Lying

I'd Be Lying

Thursday, February 15, 2018

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I'd be lying if I didn't say that the mass school shooting this week didn't affect me differently than it ever has before. I first got the alert on my phone through FB as some of the news stations in town were picking it up. I login to FB and pull it up on my work computer. I watch the news footage as they don't have the shooter apprehended yet. He was still "at large." My stomach dropped.

It comes out that it is a student, later to be found out he was an ex-student. Shortly thereafter he was taken into custody in a nearby neighborhood. Not even on campus anymore.

As they are showing various footage of the hospitals and outside the school campus, the news stations start interviewing the kids as they are coming out and parents as they are picking up their children after this horrible event.

As a parent I can't even imagine what was going through their minds. Some of them getting texts from their children while at work saying "the school is on lockdown, but I am safe."

Followed by "I'm scared, Mom." or "I love you, Dad."

I hope I never receive a text like that from either of my kids (or anyone I know for that matter). My wish would be that no parent ever has to receive some sort of text like that. I know my Husband went through some version of this with me on October 1st. He also prays that no one has to go through what he went in his position of having a loved one on the other side of this.

The scenes that some of these kids...just KIDS...were describing were the same types of scenes for me at Route 91. Running past bodies, not really knowing if they were dead or alive. So much blood. The sound of gunfire, crying, screaming and yelling. The mixed feelings of being scared and hopeless and then total confusion and shock of what you have just witnessed and went through.

My heart aches for these children and adults alike that had to experience what I experienced. For those people that have experienced it in the past and for those that will experience it in the future because as sad is it is, it will happen again. I never would wish anything like this on anyone.

Not only is it a mass shooting, that in and of itself is scary and heart wrenching, but then on top of that to be at a school.

A parent sent their child off to school that day not knowing that they would never see them again.

A spouse sent their significant other off to work that day not knowing that they would never see them again.

To be honest, you don't have to be a parent and be outraged. You should be outraged no matter what that this keeps happening. They all use the same gun. Literally google the phrase "what gun did the shooter use" and it will be the AR-15. If this is the same gun people keep using over and over again, why has nothing been done? People just throw their hands in the air like it's no big deal.

I just don't get it.

And to be more honest...I'm sick of the "thoughts and prayers" response. I'm sick of the "our nation needs to come together in this time of crisis" response. I'm sick of the "it's too early to talk about guns and gun reform." No. It's not. Because you can't tell me that it's not going to happen again. All I hear when people say that shit is BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. I've heard it all before and I will hear it all again. At some point it falls on deaf ears.

Words at this point mean NOTHING. Absolutely NOTHING to me.

 And let me tell you...people that are pro gun reform don't want to TAKE AWAY ALL YOUR GUNS and if you think that then get out of your own damn head and into someone else's that has been through this shit firsthand. Have a fucking conversation about it and talk. Don't just revert to the 2nd Amendment and it's my right...BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.

And is this the solution to it all? No. This is just one step in a fucked up system that needs to be changed. But we have to start somewhere. We can't just throw our hands up in the air anymore and "pray" about it and "think" about it and continue to make EXCUSES for NOT DOING ANYTHING.

What's Up Wednesday {1.31.2018}

What's Up Wednesday {1.31.2018}

Wednesday, January 31, 2018

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What we are eating this week...

Our family has fell in love with Zupas. They have sandwiches, soups and salads. I personally love the Strawberry Harvest Chicken salad.

They opened up a Giordano's right by our house, so of course we had to partake in that awesomeness.

What I'm reminiscing about...

Warmer weather. I know our winter's are different than most people's, but I am craving some heat and pool weather.

What I'm loving...

Our new pots and pans set.

My new Yeti.

My new make-up brush.

And my bracelets from my BFF Katie.

What we've been up to...

We went to the Vegas Golden Knights Fan Fest.

We took Hailey to see Pitch Perfect 3.

And just this past weekend we took Griffin for his first time skating. As you can see from the pictures, he is not a fan.

What I'm dreading...

I feel like the last month our little family has been sick a lot. We are all healthy at the moment (knock on wood), but I just hate when they get sick.

What I'm working on...

I am trying to get organized with pictures and this blog.

What I'm excited about... 

I'm excited for the future for my little family. The D Fam has lots of fun things planned in the next few months, so stay tuned!

What I'm watching/reading...

We've been watching a lot of hockey in our house.

What I'm listening to...

What I'm wearing...

Jeans, blouses, cardigans, flannels and slip on shoes. Leggings of course are always on repeat. I have really been into moto leggings. They are so comfy.

What I'm doing this weekend...

Friday night we are planning on going to a Pancreatic Cancer fundraiser event at a jump park. Saturday morning I am getting my tattoo that I have been wanting. Saturday afternoon we are finally bringing all the crayons and coloring books to the children's hospital and then we have to run some errands before Wayne leaves for Nashville for a country music convention on Sunday morning.

I don't really care about the Superbowl, but I definitely want to watch JT and then This Is Us is a new episode right after the Superbowl, so I have to get caught up on that.

What I'm looking forward to next month...

More Golden Knights games, another Pancreatic Cancer benefit, Valentine's Day

What else is new...

The building I work in is for sale, so we will be moving locations within the next few months. I am so excited to move and get into a new space.

I felt like January went by so fast, but took so long all at the same time.

Thanks for reading friends!

Sunday Social {1.14.2018}

Sunday Social {1.14.2018}

Saturday, January 13, 2018

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If we were meeting for coffee these are the things I would be telling you about today...

1. 2018 so far has been rough. Griffin fell asleep early with a high fever on New Years Eve night. He was sick from NYE Sunday until Friday, 1/5. It was NOT a fun week and very stressful and trying at times.

2. With Griffin being sick I was at work for a total of 2 days last week. Ugh. That pretty much put me behind for this week. Never fun playing catch up. I am thankful for the Hubs and his willingness to stay home a couple of days, too, so I didn't have to be the only one.

3. As of today's posting I still have my Christmas tree up. Technically, it's still January, so we're OK, right? I am just so unmotivated to take it down and put away all my Christmas decor.

4. Wayne is in Memphis, TN on a work trip, which means I am solo parenting. He left early Thursday morning and comes back this afternoon. And let me tell you, I MISS HIM SO DANG MUCH!! He is very rarely ever gone for an extended period of time, but when he is, it is NOTICED in this house.

5. I am riding the struggle bus today. I have about 5 loads of laundry that need to be sorted, folded and put away. No joke. 5!! I have poop in the backyard that desperately needs to be picked up, and as said above, I need to take down our tree, put Christmas away and get our house back to normal.

6. And last but not least, if you follow me on any sort of social media (which you should), you already know that Hailey was acknowledged at her school for a few awards. One for being an all around great leader in her classroom, one from her P.E. teacher and a third from her library teacher. We are so very proud of her.

So very proud of our girl who was acknowledged for earning certain rewards at school this morning along with some of her classmates. How can she be half way done with 1st grade?! Wahh!!! #haileyjod #proudmama

A post shared by Leah // Lifestyle Mom Blogger (@mrsmamad) on Jan 11, 2018 at 8:16pm PST

Hope everyone has a great weekend, especially if you have Monday off!!

New Specs

New Specs

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

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So with the start of the new year I decided to purchase glasses that filter out the blue light from the computer. I sit and look at a computer all day at my full-time job and then if I do any work in the evenings at home with the blog or just general computer browsing, that is additional time in front of the screen everyday.

I do get frequent headaches and occasionally suffer from aura migraines. If you ever have had an aura migraine, you know that they are not fun.

I have been thinking about getting some version of these glasses for quite sometime as I have always worked in front of the computer, but I just hadn't pulled the trigger yet.

Until the New Year.

I had been seeing a lot about them recently. A few people I follow on social media and a few bloggers have them and have had great reviews. They are not expensive at all ($20 from Amazon) and they are super cute. So I pulled the trigger and ordered them.

Got these new glasses to block out the blue light from the computer. Hoping they will live up to the hype, relieve the eye strain and help with headaches. They were cheap and are cute so we’ll see if they work. #paralegallife #doinwerk #messyhairdontcare

A post shared by Leah // Lifestyle Mom Blogger (@mrsmamad) on Jan 9, 2018 at 9:26am PST

I've only had them for a few days, so it will take some time to figure out if they really work for me or not, but it can't hurt trying right? Especially when they're this cute? I'll keep you updated.

Thanks for reading friends!

Happy 92nd Birthday Grandma Kleene!

Happy 92nd Birthday Grandma Kleene!

Monday, January 8, 2018

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Today is my Mom's Mom's 92nd Birthday. 92 years!!!! I would only be so lucky to live to 92 years. I shouldn't be surprised though because her Mom, whom my middle name comes from, Antina, lived to be 101 years old.

Since my Mom had me at such a young age, my Grandma Kleene helped raise me. I will be forever indebted to her and love and cherish her so very much.

Happy 92nd Birthday Grandma! I love you so much!

Roomba by iRobot

Roomba by iRobot

Friday, January 5, 2018

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So this year for Black Friday I had been eyeing a robotic vacuum. I kinda knew what I was looking for, but nothing super specific. Well, Target had just what I was looking for on sale on Black Friday. My sister Amie was in town, so on Thanksgiving night we went to Target at about 7pm thinking there would be total chaos, and there wasn't. The Target right by our house was totally organized and we were in and out with no long lines or anything.

Best Black Friday/Christmas present ever!! @irobot #roomba #lifechanging Thanks @bigdradio #besthubbyever

A post shared by Leah // Lifestyle Mom Blogger (@mrsmamad) on Dec 30, 2017 at 3:38pm PST

I had put it out on the interwebs that I was thinking about getting one and I had so many people tell me beforehand that it would be such a game changer and let me tell you it is!!! It seriously is so great, especially with our 5 dogs. I have the app on my phone and can start it or stop it from that. It runs for about an hour or so and can run up to once a day.

I can also check to see how many minutes its been running and when it's done and on it's way back home to the dock.

It also tells me when it's stuck.

I love it so much and would totally recommend getting one!!

2018 Goals

2018 Goals

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

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I am setting some goals for not only myself, but our family as well. These are things I want to work on. I say Goals, but I don't want to beat myself up either if I don't complete these or make these goals every week or month.

FAMILY
Go on a family vacation
Go to MN at least once this year

FITNESS & HEALTH
Work out at least 3 times a week
Make better food/drink choices
Meal prep more foods on the weekends for the week

PERSONAL
Start a daily devotional
Work on my fitness (see above)
Blog 3 times a week

KIDS
Add more veggies to their diets - try more smoothies
Continue to read with Hailey

MISCELLANEOUS
Find a church in Las Vegas

My Word for 2018

My Word for 2018

Monday, January 1, 2018

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I haven't done this in a few years, but one of my goals this year is to get back to blogging more regularly. So I decided what better way to start the year off than to pick a word. There is one word that has been continuously coming back to me and that is ............

This word has had so much meaning to me the last few months and I decided I want to carry that into 2018. STRONG has so many variations and meanings for me now:

Head STRONG

Mentally STRONG

Emotionally STRONG

Physically STRONG

Friendship STRONG

Relationship STRONG

Mom STRONG

Vegas STRONG

All around STRONG.

With everything that has happened the last few months, being mentally and emotionally strong has been a top priority for me.

I know that not everyone that survived 1 October has support like I do. I have an amazing and supportive Husband and two kids that need and depend on me. They were my driving force that night and continue to be my motivation every day.

I have friendships that I cherish very much and want to continue to grow. I have this blog that has always been an outlet for me that I want to continue.

My relationship with my Husband is number 1 and I want to continue to have date nights and take time for just us.

I have really been lacking on working out and taking care of my body. It is something I really need to focus on this year.

With all that being said, I really feel like STRONG is the best word for me this year. It just fits every aspect of my life right now. Let's make 2018 the STRONGest year yet!

Bullets

Bullets

Saturday, November 18, 2017

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I never thought I would own a piece of jewelry made from a bullet, let alone with such a special meaning behind it. But I do now.

There was a vendor at Route 91 selling Bullet Jewelry. They are a little Mom and Pop type shop. They were by the front entrance of the festival. The old man that helped us create our one of kind pieces was very nice and the shop was very accommodating on what type of stone we wanted in the middle and different chain lengths and even different charms.

Initially, both Katie and Sam bought theirs on Friday, while I said I was going to think about it over the course of the next couple of days. Well, Saturday came around and I decided to buy one because they are each so unique.

All three of us ended up buying a necklace that weekend and Sam actually bought 2.

Mine

Katie’s

Sam’s

It didn’t actually hit me until that following Wednesday, October 4th when I was wearing mine that it was an actual bullet. I texted Katie and Sam regarding that same thought and asked them to send me a picture because I wanted to share and write about our necklaces. Katie had informed me that much like me and mine, she hadn’t taken hers off. Sam on the other hand hadn’t taken hers back out of the bags after returning home. She said the thought of them scared her. She knew they shouldn’t scare her, but they did. I again asked her and said that no matter if she wears them ever again, if she could at least take a picture for me, I would be much appreciative. She sent me the above picture minutes later. I explained to both Katie and Sam that my necklace represents only positive. Not negative. It represents our friendship as all three of us bought one that weekend. It represents what we went through that night of October 1st into the next wee morning hours of October 2nd. It represents not only me, but all three of us being safe and physically unharmed. I wear it thinking about them; about us and what we survived.

7 Days

7 Days

Sunday, October 8, 2017

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7 days ago not only my life was changed, but everyone around me and the whole city of Las Vegas was changed forever. I know that not everyone died and affected by this horrible event was from Vegas, but it happened in Vegas, in our city. It happened to our people working. It happened to our law enforcement teams. It's an invasion like no other. So I'm just gonna be blunt and say it and put it out there that I think country music and the city of Nashville has taken some of the focus off of Vegas and for that it makes me sad. I know that we were all there because of our love for country music and of course music will help to heal us, but before #CountryStrong it should #VegasStrong. You can disagree with me if you want. That's your right, but that's how I feel right now, today.

7 days post massacre. And I say days, because each one has been hard in it's own right. But also each one better than the last.

And by the way I hate that word. Massacre. Even if it is true. Even if it is the worst in history. I just hate hearing that word, much less saying it. Again it makes me sad. So many things these days make me sad when I really think about stuff. That's the hard part. Not thinking, but thinking. I often think what the last 7 days would be like if the outcome were any different than what it was. I try not to think about it. My friend Katie, did a blog post about survivors guilt. We all have it in some form or another. We all process it and deal with it in our own way. I have my own and I suppose that will eventually be another topic of this blog.

I was finally looking back at some of my photos and I came across one of Jason Aldean that I posted to my Insta stories. I have a setting on my Insta account that all pictures and videos get saved to my camera roll no matter what once they are posted. I love that feature. Now more than ever. 

It posted and was saved at 10:06 PM. The picture next to it is my first text to Sam at 10:07 PM. Just a mere minute between these moments and our lives changed forever. 

We went to go get my car yesterday. We had to park and walk. We checked in with the officers that are in the church lot next door. My name was on a list of many, although my car was one of the last few in the lot. One of the officers walked with us. It was surreal being back there and telling Wayne exactly the path that Katie and I ran. I told him as we were standing at the car in the exact spot that is where I was talking to him. I showed him the fence that we went through to get to the street that led us to Desert Rose Resort. Away from the lot. Away from the shooting. Away from the screaming. Betty White was unharmed and just as Jill had said I started her up and away we went, away from the lot, she took me home.

Perseverance

Perseverance

Thursday, October 5, 2017

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I never thought I would be the type of person to be afraid to watch the news, but I am now. At least for the time being. And I am not talking about the normal daily news, but the videos and clips they keep replaying over and over again. I am afraid as to what they might show or what I might hear. What trigger will set me off next into a flurry of anxiety and possible tears. I haven’t watched TV or the News in 4 days. Which if you know me, you know that’s unheard of. But I just can’t right now. I can’t watch anymore videos from that night of people running. Screaming. The sound of such panic. That same panic that I felt running through my whole body. I can’t hear anymore of the rapid gunfire. It's already ringing in my ears and head everyday. I just can’t. I'm hoping as the days go on, they will stop showing it, so people can start watching the news again. I guess only time will tell.

On another note. The parking lot has been cleared and we can go pick up my vehicle. We plan on doing that Saturday morning after gymnastics. I want to go at a time that I can process it all. A time where I don’t feel rushed and that if I get emotional, I don’t have to go back to work or be somewhere. I can just be and process those emotions and get through it with the support of my Husband.

A certain comment was left on one of my friend’s Facebook threads. She had shared my blog post titled “Juggling.” The woman that left the comment is named Jill. Her words affected me so deeply and I needed to read those words, so I wanted to share it here not only to share it with all of you, but so that I can re-read it back for my own comfort:

“I can’t even imagine the feelings that each and every survivor will go through in the coming days, weeks and months. Fear. Anger. Sadness. Depression. Relief. Guilt. ...and I’m sure the list goes on.

I can totally empathize with her feelings about her car “Betty White,” and how it sat there while terror was unfolding all around it. Her feelings are real and raw. I wish I could hug everyone that was there that night just to show emotional support.

As an outsider, I think of “Betty White” as her chariot. It stood there valiantly and relentlessly to take her home. Whenever it’s time... it will do just that. Maybe it will become a beacon of survival, so to speak... an icon of perseverance.”

That last paragraph just rips at me like no other. Because it’s true. And now I have a new perspective about my beloved “Betty White.” We will see what condition my car is in. I have had numerous friends and even strangers offer for them to retrieve it for me. My loving Husband would love to shield me from the possible pain that it might cause for me to go and get it, but I need to. I think it will help with some closure issues. I cannot avoid that lot or certain parts of this city and as hard as it might be, I need to go down there. I need to walk through that lot. I need to see it. I need to get in it. I need to put the key in and feel it start up underneath me and I need to drive it away from that lot that changed my life forever.

Juggling

Juggling

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

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My car is still parked in the parking lot across the street from the festival grounds. The officer told Wayne that we won't be able to retrieve it until at least Saturday. At the earliest. Why? 

Because that parking lot is "just as much of a crime scene as the actual festival grounds." 

While I knew that in the back of my head, I couldn't actually process it until actually hearing it. How did I know that? It was the parking lot where we ran through. It was my car that I texted Sam to run to. It was supposed to be our meeting place to reunite before figuring out our next steps. Instead we couldn't wait there for her. We didn't have time. We had to keep running. We had to keep moving. 

And we did. 

Through that parking lot.

Out through the fence in the back and down the street running away from that lot. Leaving not only my car behind, but the sound of the constant rounds of fire and screaming.

I know that it is a crime scene because there were people bleeding. People injured, hurt. Bodies not moving. Blood. So much blood. I myself almost tripped and fell over a body while running. It is a sight that I cannot get out of my head. And I wonder if they were one of the 59 that were killed or the 515+ somewhere at one of the hospitals here in Vegas.

While driving down to the parking lot this morning with Wayne to get more information about the timeline on retrieving my car, I started crying. I know that I have to get my car. I can't just leave it there. Abandon it. But the thought of walking through that parking lot again and something about driving off just gives me a feeling that I can't put my finger on. I can't explain it. I just feel it.

It has nothing to do with my car and not having it. But instead me thinking of what happened all around it. Surrounding it. Right next to it. I will drive Betty White, as I have named it, everyday knowing in the back of my mind what awfulness and pure evil happened all around it. Again, I can't explain it, it's just a feeling of something I can't put into words.

So while we juggle having one car, one set of car seats, and multiple emotions and thoughts, I will continue to be grateful that is the extent of our week. Juggling. Thinking. Processing. Healing.

#VegasStrong

#VegasStrong

Monday, October 2, 2017

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It was about 14+ hours ago that I heard that first POP POP POP. Standing in the pit on the floor watching Jason Aldean do what he does best, getting ready to have such a great night just like the last two nights before. I was confused as I had never heard that particular sound.

POP POP POP.

To say that it’s not replaying in my head over and over is a complete understatement. I didn’t know what was going on until I saw the band being rushed off the stage. I said to my friend Katie, "this isn’t good. We have to go." We quickly made our way to where we had a table. Where our other friend Sam was sitting. She was nowhere to be found. My heart dropped.

10:07 p.m. was the time that I texted her “Where are you?”

While taking cover behind the bar and continuously hearing the POP POP POP I knew we had to get out of there. We had to just run. It sounded like it was coming from every direction. I looked at Katie in the face and told her we had to go. We had to keep moving. I couldn't just sit there. She said ok, I grabbed her hand and we started running. Some people ran. Some people just stayed laying there taking cover. I needed to run. I needed to get out of there. People were falling. People were screaming. People were bleeding. We just kept running.

I didn't let go of Katie's hand.

 

All the while POP POP POP.

As I called my Husband to let him know that something was happening, I could hear the panic in his voice as he could hear the panic in mine and again the rapid and never-ending POP POP POP in the background. I couldn’t really stay on the phone. I said I would keep him updated and that I loved him and hung up. I had to keep moving and we had to find Sam. We made it across the fair grounds. We made it through the parking lot standing by my car and when we thought we could stop running, more POP POP POP and we were told to just keep running. Keep moving.

We eventually found Sam. We were running towards another casino to take cover and find some sort of shelter. All of a sudden people were running towards us scared and shouting. We were trapped. We didn’t know where to go. We ended up going into a timeshare resort. People were filing in and we were still hearing the POP POP POP. People were carrying in wounded and injured. Residents were opening up their rooms to people and the three of us ended up in a room with 27 other people. This couple had taken 30 complete strangers into their room. Just out of the generosity of their heart. They offered water, snacks, anything they could to be comforting. We had people that had fallen and bumped heads, sprained ankles, a diabetic. No one in our room was seriously injured. We all rallied together. Still scared and not knowing everything, but trying to be a comfort in all the craziness.

 

At first we sat in the dark, waiting for everything to just stop. Once the quietness set in, we turned on the TV quietly watching in silence as everything was unfolding in front of us.

We were in that room until about 3:00 a.m.  4+ hours with complete strangers. Minds racing. Trying to stay in contact with loved ones. Tears shed. Hugs given. Comfort exchanged. At about 3:15, I texted Wayne that we were finally allowed to leave. That was about when the police came to that particular resort to check on the wounded and offer medical help, telling us it was clear and we could leave.We made our way to the lobby to wait. He left the house and made his way to us. He wasn’t able to come directly to us as the roads around the resort were still blocked off. So we had to walk a few blocks to his truck.

I remember walking towards him and his truck. A glimpse of hope and much needed comfort. All three of us fell into his arms before climbing into the truck. That drive was such a blur. I was numb and out of it, but my mind was racing at the same time. We got home a little after 4 a.m. and I immediately broke down and hugged my kids and cried over them as they slept. Thankful just to be able to touch them again and watch them breathe and sleep.

All I could do was thank God that Wayne wasn’t there with me. Even though I knew he would've been helped me tremendously, I thanked God one of us was home safe with our babies. I know he feels guilty for not being there with me, but I am thankful he was not as weird as that sounds. I definitely had all my guardian angels watching over me last night.

I hugged and cried with my sister that is in town from Minnesota and my Husband. I just couldn’t stop. My puppies were coming up to me wondering why I was hysterically crying. I talked to my Mom on the phone in Minnesota. I could hear how worried she was about me. It was all rushing back to me. The adrenaline was wearing off and my emotions were winning and taking over. I was exhausted in every way imaginable. I still am. I’ve slept about an hour. I dropped my friends off at the airport early this morning. Hugging them a little tighter this time, telling them I love them. I came home from the airport and Hailey was awake. I hugged her tight and again started sobbing. Her not knowing why or what was going on. I had a difficult conversation with her about the events and what happened. We cried together and just hugged each other. It was a good talk with her. Wayne and I pride ourselves on how we are raising her by not sheltering her with certain things. We knew she may hear something at school or see something on TV and with it being here in Vegas and with me being so emotional. There was no way we could sugar coat it. I know we will also have another conversation after he gets home from work tonight.

To my Husband. Oh my Husband. I have no words other than thank you for loving me. He didn’t sleep at all and went into work this morning at 5am after bringing us home. He is doing a live broadcast with Taylor and Tony. They will be working all day to continue to bring this community together.

To my Mom, Dad, sister Amie, brother Ross, sister Kate, family and friends, thank you and I love you all.

I have to shout out the Las Vegas Metro and other surrounding cities law enforcement, EMT’s and SWAT teams. There’s no one quite like them and they have a very unique city to protect.

I am proud to live in Las Vegas. The community so far has rallied and come together like no other. With 58 dead and 515+ injured, how do you start to even process this? All the stories coming out of this of people helping is amazing. #vegasstrong

Please please please, if you don’t take anything away from reading this just please live every single day you can to the fullest and love your people hard and with everything you got. Whoever they are. You truly never know when today could be your last, and with as cliche as it sounds, it is so very true. #loveyourpeople

Thank you to everyone that reached out either through texting or calling or social media or through Wayne. People that I don’t talk to on the regular, past co-workers and bosses reaching out to me to make sure that me and my family are safe. I truly appreciate every message, thought and prayer. I truly feel all your love and I love you all right back. God Bless.