It's OK

It's OK

Sunday, December 26, 2021

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5 days before my Dad passed, when he started to really not feel well, he looked my Mom straight in the face and said words that shocked us all...

 

"I should've gotten the vaccine." 

 

Deep down I think he knew in that moment he had it bad.

 

He told the same thing to the EMT 2 days later in the ambulance as they were working on getting his oxygen level up in his driveway before taking him to the hospital. What did the EMT respond with?

 

"You can't beat yourself up about it now."

 

Just a short, but long, 3 days later he was gone. I'm sure he beat himself up about it. I'm sure everything ran through his brain a million times as he was laying in that hospital bed. I have to believe that if he had a second chance he would get the vaccine. He would choose life. He would have chosen us over anything else.

 

This is what I was talking about in my previous post when I said as parents we always say that we would die for our children, but would we live for them? Again, I have to believe that if he had a second chance he would make a different choice.

 

He had chosen not to get vaccinated even though his Wife is vaccinated, all 4 of his children are vaccinated, his son-in-law and both of his grand kids are vaccinated, two of his siblings are vaccinated and even his own Mother is vaccinated.

 

It's not just him that we lost and the role he played in each of our lives, it's all the people he left behind. All the people that loved him and just wanted him to get the fucking vaccine. To not take that chance on life, or death for that matter.

People have told me to not be angry that he didn't get vaccinated, but I am. I believe without a shadow of a doubt the vaccine would've saved my Dad's life and other's like him. People that I have heard about through friends and family who did not get the vaccine, but were sick with Covid in the hospital and uttered those same exact words to their loved ones. That's one thing that makes me angry. People taking a gamble on Covid versus the vaccine.  

 

And for those people who respond with:

 

"Don't be mad or angry" or 

"I had Covid back in April and almost died of it and still refuse to get the vaccine" or 

it's "just a vaccine" or 

"I'm not vaccinated, but had it already and only have a 13% chance of getting it again" or 

"It's all a hoax." 

 

Really? Shut the fuck up. Don't tell me your experience with Covid when you clearly are alive and my Father is not. Don't compare your story to his. Don't give me statistics. Just don't. I don't care. Don't tell me how I should feel. Don't tell me to not be angry, because you know what? It just makes me more angry. None of those statements above are proper or appropriate responses to someone grieving. So just take my advice that it's better if you just don't say anything at all.

 

My sister, Amie, said it best in her post on Facebook:

 

"it's okay to be wrong. it's okay to change your mind. it's okay to be mistaken and vulnerable."

 

Even though his admission to my Mom brings pain, my family and I want to share his words with anyone who will listen.

 

It's OK to change your mind. 

It's OK to make a mistake. 

It's OK to admit when you are wrong. 

It's OK to be vulnerable.

It's ok.

Dad

Dad

Wednesday, December 15, 2021

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It’s taken me awhile to find the words because there are none. I’ve had to stop and come back several times. I’ve had to break down and cry. I’ve had to articulate what my heart is FEELING while struggling with what my brain is THINKING. It’s an ongoing battle and can get soul crushing at times.

My Dad, Les, passed away Saturday night, December 11, 2021, at 7:20 p.m. I was on the plane flying to Minnesota when his spirit was lifted from his body and I believe he was guiding me home to be with my Mom and siblings.

He was 57. I am 38. You do the math. He had so much life yet to live. He was married to my Mom, his high school sweetheart, for 32 years. We went through a lot to say the least. If you know me you know that our relationship wasn’t always easy and we had a lot of ups and downs. He was a simple yet complex man. If you knew him you understand. He was not an easy man to live with. He left us with a lot of things unsaid. You always think you will have more time.

If you knew him though you knew he was proud. Proud of his Wife, proud of his kids, proud of the life he built, proud of his family and friends. He was also loyal and would do anything for anybody. I know he loved us with all his heart the best he could. He was a lot of things to a lot of people, and I take comfort in knowing he meant so much and had an impact on people the way he did. We are all devastated and numb and it will be a struggle to accept this new reality and navigate life without him.

I would be remiss to not share what has become an increasingly common situation.

My Dad was unvaccinated. He tested positive with Covid. It killed him.  

Every word of those last three sentences makes me angry and sad. Our worst fear played out like a movie that we had already seen. We didn’t get to be with him, hold his hand or tell him that we love him.

As a parent you say you would die for your children, but would you live for them? That is what I struggle with everyday. That is what makes me angry and sad.

I don’t care for the word closure. His death is not an end to anything. Instead I find moments of peace where my heart is not battling my brain. Again, an ongoing battle that I will have to navigate for the rest of my life. Hearing a Def Leppard song will never be the same. A lot of things will never be the same.

I am thankful for this critical time that I have had with my Mom, Ross, Amie and Kate. The honesty, truth and connection that we have had has been life-changing and I don’t know what I would do without them.

To my Husband, my rock and my best friend, I thank God for you everyday. You are always there to support, carry and lift me up when I need it.

To Hailey and Griffin, thank you for allowing me to be your Mom. It is my greatest achievement of my life.

My Dad is now one of my guardian angels along with Keli Jo, Grandpa Earl and Grandpa Henry. I will forever be grateful for all the things he taught me. The good and the bad. I Love You Dad. #rockon

 

 

 

Happy 92nd Birthday Grandma Kleene!

Happy 92nd Birthday Grandma Kleene!

Monday, January 8, 2018

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Today is my Mom's Mom's 92nd Birthday. 92 years!!!! I would only be so lucky to live to 92 years. I shouldn't be surprised though because her Mom, whom my middle name comes from, Antina, lived to be 101 years old.

Since my Mom had me at such a young age, my Grandma Kleene helped raise me. I will be forever indebted to her and love and cherish her so very much.

Happy 92nd Birthday Grandma! I love you so much!

Wozney Wedding Weekend {April 2013}

Wozney Wedding Weekend {April 2013}

Friday, August 2, 2013

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Friday, April 5, 2013

This was Nicole & Al's wedding weekend. I took the day off and my Dad dropped me off at my Aunt & Uncle's house (parents of the bride) mid-day, so then Wayne & I wouldn't have two cars the next day at the wedding & reception. So I car-pooled with them to the rehearsal and dinner.

The ceremony was at Northwestern College in the Nazareth Chapel in St. Paul. Absolutely beautiful.



Dinner was at Grumpy's in Roseville. They did a build your own burger bar AND had an open bar! Woohoo!



We all got liquor for our gift! Go figure! All the ladies ended up spending the night at The Bride's parents house, but we pretty much all just went to bed. It was going to be an early morning and a long day.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

The next morning we all got up early, had mimosas and breakfast and got our hair and make-up did at the house.

1. Nicole, the Bride, getting hair did.
2. Me & Nicole after hair, still in our comfies.
3. Cody. RIP. He died about a month after this.
4. Me & my cousin, Jenna, who is also sister of the Bride and fellow bridesmaid. Riding in the car on our way to Northwestern College.



5. We arrived at Northwestern and helped the bride get into her dress.



6. I snapped a quick selfie to send to the Hubs.



7. On our way to the "first sighting." The photographer in me took over and became a little bossy at this point. I just wanted everything to go smoothly and wanted both Nic and Al to have a memorable first sighting with great pictures.



8. After the first sighting we did all the professional pictures.



9. After a few hours of pictures and hanging out. It was time to gear up for the ceremony.



10. Walking down the aisle.



11. A few ceremony pictures.



12. After the ceremony we were ready to get our party on in this:



13. Me saying that I drank WAY too much is a huge understatement. It was damn good fun, but I definitely can't party like I used to.



14. So much fun! Arriving at the reception which was at the Park Plaza Hotel in Bloomington. Which coincidentally was where Wayne and I had our reception 6.5 years ago! Aw. What memories.



15. The group waiting to make our grand entrance.



16. Us making our grand entrance.



Dinner and the reception got underway. They had a great buffet and cake and got right into the speeches.

17. Bride & Groom's first dance.



18. Hailey had so much fun dancing the night away. She was all over the place and probably on the dance floor more than anyone else. She loves weddings!



19. And I have to end this post with pictures of my loves!



It was a great day and night with lots of fun had and memories made.

Congratulations Nicole & Al!!!