Sunday, December 26, 2021

It's OK

No One 


5 days before my Dad passed, when he started to really not feel well, he looked my Mom straight in the face and said words that shocked us all...


"I should've gotten the vaccine." 


Deep down I think he knew in that moment he had it bad.


He told the same thing to the EMT 2 days later in the ambulance as they were working on getting his oxygen level up in his driveway before taking him to the hospital. What did the EMT respond with?


"You can't beat yourself up about it now."


Just a short, but long, 3 days later he was gone. I'm sure he beat himself up about it. I'm sure everything ran through his brain a million times as he was laying in that hospital bed. I have to believe that if he had a second chance he would get the vaccine. He would choose life. He would have chosen us over anything else.


This is what I was talking about in my previous post when I said as parents we always say that we would die for our children, but would we live for them? Again, I have to believe that if he had a second chance he would make a different choice.


He had chosen not to get vaccinated even though his Wife is vaccinated, all 4 of his children are vaccinated, his son-in-law and both of his grand kids are vaccinated, two of his siblings are vaccinated and even his own Mother is vaccinated.


It's not just him that we lost and the role he played in each of our lives, it's all the people he left behind. All the people that loved him and just wanted him to get the fucking vaccine. To not take that chance on life, or death for that matter.

People have told me to not be angry that he didn't get vaccinated, but I am. I believe without a shadow of a doubt the vaccine would've saved my Dad's life and other's like him. People that I have heard about through friends and family who did not get the vaccine, but were sick with Covid in the hospital and uttered those same exact words to their loved ones. That's one thing that makes me angry. People taking a gamble on Covid versus the vaccine.  


And for those people who respond with:


"Don't be mad or angry" or 

"I had Covid back in April and almost died of it and still refuse to get the vaccine" or 

it's "just a vaccine" or 

"I'm not vaccinated, but had it already and only have a 13% chance of getting it again" or 

"It's all a hoax." 


Really? Shut the fuck up. Don't tell me your experience with Covid when you clearly are alive and my Father is not. Don't compare your story to his. Don't give me statistics. Just don't. I don't care. Don't tell me how I should feel. Don't tell me to not be angry, because you know what? It just makes me more angry. None of those statements above are proper or appropriate responses to someone grieving. So just take my advice that it's better if you just don't say anything at all.


My sister, Amie, said it best in her post on Facebook:


"it's okay to be wrong. it's okay to change your mind. it's okay to be mistaken and vulnerable."


Even though his admission to my Mom brings pain, my family and I want to share his words with anyone who will listen.


It's OK to change your mind. 

It's OK to make a mistake. 

It's OK to admit when you are wrong. 

It's OK to be vulnerable.

It's ok.

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