It's OK

It's OK

Sunday, December 26, 2021

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5 days before my Dad passed, when he started to really not feel well, he looked my Mom straight in the face and said words that shocked us all...

 

"I should've gotten the vaccine." 

 

Deep down I think he knew in that moment he had it bad.

 

He told the same thing to the EMT 2 days later in the ambulance as they were working on getting his oxygen level up in his driveway before taking him to the hospital. What did the EMT respond with?

 

"You can't beat yourself up about it now."

 

Just a short, but long, 3 days later he was gone. I'm sure he beat himself up about it. I'm sure everything ran through his brain a million times as he was laying in that hospital bed. I have to believe that if he had a second chance he would get the vaccine. He would choose life. He would have chosen us over anything else.

 

This is what I was talking about in my previous post when I said as parents we always say that we would die for our children, but would we live for them? Again, I have to believe that if he had a second chance he would make a different choice.

 

He had chosen not to get vaccinated even though his Wife is vaccinated, all 4 of his children are vaccinated, his son-in-law and both of his grand kids are vaccinated, two of his siblings are vaccinated and even his own Mother is vaccinated.

 

It's not just him that we lost and the role he played in each of our lives, it's all the people he left behind. All the people that loved him and just wanted him to get the fucking vaccine. To not take that chance on life, or death for that matter.

People have told me to not be angry that he didn't get vaccinated, but I am. I believe without a shadow of a doubt the vaccine would've saved my Dad's life and other's like him. People that I have heard about through friends and family who did not get the vaccine, but were sick with Covid in the hospital and uttered those same exact words to their loved ones. That's one thing that makes me angry. People taking a gamble on Covid versus the vaccine.  

 

And for those people who respond with:

 

"Don't be mad or angry" or 

"I had Covid back in April and almost died of it and still refuse to get the vaccine" or 

it's "just a vaccine" or 

"I'm not vaccinated, but had it already and only have a 13% chance of getting it again" or 

"It's all a hoax." 

 

Really? Shut the fuck up. Don't tell me your experience with Covid when you clearly are alive and my Father is not. Don't compare your story to his. Don't give me statistics. Just don't. I don't care. Don't tell me how I should feel. Don't tell me to not be angry, because you know what? It just makes me more angry. None of those statements above are proper or appropriate responses to someone grieving. So just take my advice that it's better if you just don't say anything at all.

 

My sister, Amie, said it best in her post on Facebook:

 

"it's okay to be wrong. it's okay to change your mind. it's okay to be mistaken and vulnerable."

 

Even though his admission to my Mom brings pain, my family and I want to share his words with anyone who will listen.

 

It's OK to change your mind. 

It's OK to make a mistake. 

It's OK to admit when you are wrong. 

It's OK to be vulnerable.

It's ok.

Dad

Dad

Wednesday, December 15, 2021

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It’s taken me awhile to find the words because there are none. I’ve had to stop and come back several times. I’ve had to break down and cry. I’ve had to articulate what my heart is FEELING while struggling with what my brain is THINKING. It’s an ongoing battle and can get soul crushing at times.

My Dad, Les, passed away Saturday night, December 11, 2021, at 7:20 p.m. I was on the plane flying to Minnesota when his spirit was lifted from his body and I believe he was guiding me home to be with my Mom and siblings.

He was 57. I am 38. You do the math. He had so much life yet to live. He was married to my Mom, his high school sweetheart, for 32 years. We went through a lot to say the least. If you know me you know that our relationship wasn’t always easy and we had a lot of ups and downs. He was a simple yet complex man. If you knew him you understand. He was not an easy man to live with. He left us with a lot of things unsaid. You always think you will have more time.

If you knew him though you knew he was proud. Proud of his Wife, proud of his kids, proud of the life he built, proud of his family and friends. He was also loyal and would do anything for anybody. I know he loved us with all his heart the best he could. He was a lot of things to a lot of people, and I take comfort in knowing he meant so much and had an impact on people the way he did. We are all devastated and numb and it will be a struggle to accept this new reality and navigate life without him.

I would be remiss to not share what has become an increasingly common situation.

My Dad was unvaccinated. He tested positive with Covid. It killed him.  

Every word of those last three sentences makes me angry and sad. Our worst fear played out like a movie that we had already seen. We didn’t get to be with him, hold his hand or tell him that we love him.

As a parent you say you would die for your children, but would you live for them? That is what I struggle with everyday. That is what makes me angry and sad.

I don’t care for the word closure. His death is not an end to anything. Instead I find moments of peace where my heart is not battling my brain. Again, an ongoing battle that I will have to navigate for the rest of my life. Hearing a Def Leppard song will never be the same. A lot of things will never be the same.

I am thankful for this critical time that I have had with my Mom, Ross, Amie and Kate. The honesty, truth and connection that we have had has been life-changing and I don’t know what I would do without them.

To my Husband, my rock and my best friend, I thank God for you everyday. You are always there to support, carry and lift me up when I need it.

To Hailey and Griffin, thank you for allowing me to be your Mom. It is my greatest achievement of my life.

My Dad is now one of my guardian angels along with Keli Jo, Grandpa Earl and Grandpa Henry. I will forever be grateful for all the things he taught me. The good and the bad. I Love You Dad. #rockon

 

 

 

Here We Go Again

Here We Go Again

Monday, June 22, 2020

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What. A. Week. What a month. What a year. What a life. It’s crazy. If you haven’t heard the news yet, well the D Fam is moving to Nashville, Tennessee.

5 years ago, Wayne and I took a leap of faith and moved across the country from Minnesota, the only place we had ever known, to the desert in Las Vegas. We didn’t know what we were getting ourselves into, but we never imagined that it would be what is it today or that this city would mean as much to us as it does. Now, we are again taking a leap of faith and preparing our family for another cross country move to Nashville, TN. Even though our hearts are heavy for leaving this city, our hearts are also full and open for this new experience. Las Vegas has felt more like home than anywhere else. We’ve only been here for 5 years, but it honestly feels like 20. The amount of love that we have received in the last 5 years from not only our sports families (#vgk #lvaces), but the city of Las Vegas in general will never be forgotten. This is where our son was #vegasborn. This is where we experienced the tragedy of Route91, but also saw this city and the country music community rally together and come back better than ever. Las Vegas, NV has for sure had an impact on our journey in this life and will always have a special place in our hearts.

Right now our plan is to head out mid to late July as school starts there at the beginning of August and we want to give our family a bit of time to get settled. In the meantime, we have a house to sell and pack and prepare.

Wayne will head out there earlier than us in order to look for a home for our family and start working in Nashville. He will then fly home and we will make the trek together as a family of 4, along with our puppies. As I have said so many times this whole thing is surreal and very bittersweet!! This is not goodbye, but see ya later!

Life Lately - January 2020 - April 2020

Life Lately - January 2020 - April 2020

Friday, June 12, 2020

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Uffda, it's been a hot minute since updating this little blog. I keep saying I need to be more consistent in posting, but I just can't seem to set aside the time to do it or I just don't feel like typing. So here we are now already well into 2020 and I find myself asking where has the time gone?

But in all actuality, this is where our time has gone:

Alex Tuch Meet n Greet

Ingrid Andress opened for Keith Urban at the Colesseum

Tenille Townes opened for Keith Urban at the Colesseum

Hailey kicking butt at school and getting awards

Dierks Bentley with Caylee Hammack opening

Friends in town visiting for a fun weekend including a VGK game

Fun with friends at The Place on 7th

Birthday Parties with friends

March 15th was when the Governor closed schools and then the following week is when the Stay at Home Orders went into place.

Even with the order in place, I continued to work at the law-firm full-time, Wayne started working mostly from home, Hailey switched off of staying home with Wayne and coming to work with me and Griff continued to go to his daycare/school.

Birthday Celebrations while still social distancing

Birthday wishes via zoom with my best people

Ronald McDonald Virtual 5k

Here's to keeping up with this blog.

Carrier Oils

Carrier Oils

Sunday, February 23, 2020

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Know your carrier oils! You can use carrier oils to dilute essential oils when appropriate. They all have different consistencies and benefits. How do you know which carrier oil to use? It’s easy... use what you like best! Below are a few things to know about each of the most popular carrier oils.

Jojoba oil comes from the seed of the jojoba plant. This plant grows in southern Arizona and southern California, as well as parts of northern Mexico. Jojoba oil is commonly found in facial and hair products, because it works to seal your skin with a protective barrier to keep your skin from losing moisture. This oil has been said to mimic the skin’s natural sebum which means your skin won’t recognize it as something foreign. Instead, reacts as if it’s something your body naturally produced. This makes it a great option to use in your DIY serums and moisturizers. Jojoba oil has a slightly nutty aroma, is gentle, moisturizing, and absorbs quickly.

Coconut oil is found in the meat or kernel of coconuts. It is a universal favorite probably because most people already have and use it in the kitchen! Research shows that topical application of coconut oil can benefit the skin in many ways. Coconut oil has no noticeable aroma, is high in essential fatty acids, and absorbs well. It will leave your skin feeling silky and moisturized, without being overly greasy. A little goes a long way when using coconut oil.

Grape Seed oil is pressed from the from the seeds of grapes. It has a light and thin consistency, making it a favorite for massages. Grape Seed oil is high linoleic acid and vitamin E, which both haves many benefits for damaged skin. This is a very moisturizing and non-greasy carrier oil that has a satin-like finish. Be sure to pay attention to the expiration date, and do not use if the oil smells rancid.

Sweet Almond oil comes from the kernels of sweet almonds. This carrier oil has a slightly sweet and nutty aroma, with a thicker consistency. It is very moisturizing for the skin, hair and nails, making it an ideal choice for your DIY lotions, hair masks, and cuticle oils. Like Grape Seed oil, Almond oil is rich in Vitamin E, but it also contains oleic acid which is especially beneficial for dry or aging skin.

Olive oil is pressed from olives. Commonly found in skin care products, Olive oil has a strong and sweet aroma and is non-greasy. Also rich in oleic acid, olive oil Is a good choice for individuals with dry skin. This is also a great option for DIY cleaners, soaps, and moisturizers.

V-6 vegetable oil complex is a perfect mix of different carrier oil’s into one. It contains coconut oil, vegetable oil, sweet almond oil, wheat germ oil, sunflower oil, and olive oil. This is a great option for every day dilution, custom massage ,or your favorite DIY recipes! V-6 can do it all it’s light, non-greasy, and absorbs quickly.

Mama's New Car, Who Dis?

Mama's New Car, Who Dis?

Wednesday, February 13, 2019

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So back in November I got a new car? Woohoo!! I didn't need a new car, but the opportunity came along and I just couldn't pass it up. This is a 2018 Ford Explorer. I am leasing this car for the first time in my life. I have a 3 year lease, so we will see how this goes. Shout out to our friends at Friendly Ford.

Introducing you to Mr. Grey....

I've now been driving it for a couple months and I love it so much. I love that I have the third row option. Obviously I had to get a VGK steering wheel cover and customized VGK plates.

Go Knights Go!

Tuesday Tunes {Two Five Twenty Nineteen}

Tuesday Tunes {Two Five Twenty Nineteen}

Tuesday, February 5, 2019

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Each Tuesday, I am going to feature a couple of songs that I am loving and listening to. They might be brand new songs or from brand new artists, the genres might be different because I do listen to everything or they might be older songs that have come back up again for me for some reason or another.

A song that I have been loving lately is the new one by Mark Ronson featuring Miley Cyrus called "Nothing Breaks Like a Heart"

I am a huge Miley fan, so I was really excited for this one.

Another song that I am loving right now is by Rita Ora off of her new album and it's called "Let You Love Me"

I am jamming out to both of these songs.

Do you have any new listens this week?

Make-Up Monday {Two Four Twenty Nineteen}

Make-Up Monday {Two Four Twenty Nineteen}

Monday, February 4, 2019

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Hello and happy Monday!

On Monday's I share a make-up and/or product I have been using and loving (and maybe not loving). I hope to share one or two products with you every Monday that I am using or are in my make-up bag.

This week I am sharing two products. First off, is a new to me bronzer. It is the Too Faced, Chocolate Soleil. I've been using it for about a month now and really like it. It also literally smells like chocolate and was one of Allure's 2018 Best of Beauty.

Another product that I have been using and liking is a skincare product. It is the Vacuum Cleaner pore purifying mask by Dr. Brandt. It's a blue color on the skin, which is different, but my skin seems to really react well to it. So, if you are looking for a great mask by a great brand, then I would definitely give this one a try.

Any products that you are loving?

Tuesday Tunes {One Eight Twenty Nineteen}

Tuesday Tunes {One Eight Twenty Nineteen}

Tuesday, January 8, 2019

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I used to do this back in the day, but stopped and I don't know why, but here we go again.

Each Tuesday, I am going to feature a couple of songs that I am loving and listening to. They might be brand new songs or from brand new artists, the genres might be different because I do listen to everything or they might be older songs that have come back up again for me for some reason or another.

A song that I have been loving lately is by Max Styler called "Feel It."

Another song that I have been loving lately has been "Back To You" by Selena Gomez.

Leave me a comment or send me an email or message with what songs you have been listening to lately.

Make-up Monday {One Seven Twenty Nineteen}

Make-up Monday {One Seven Twenty Nineteen}

Monday, January 7, 2019

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Hello and happy Monday!

I am starting a new little series on the blog titled Make-up Monday which will be all about make-up and/or products I have been using and loving (and maybe not loving). Every Monday I hope to share one or two products with you that I am using to get ready or are in my make-up bag.

This week I am sharing the Urban Decay Naked SMOKY palette. I bought this palette from Nordstrom Rack for half off at a time that they were having a sale. I love Urban Decay products and felt like this one had different shades than the other more neutral Naked palettes. like it a lot and really love the colors in it, especially if you are going for a darker smoky eye. I also don't have any palettes like this one, so I thought it was a great deal for what you get.

Do you have any of the UD Naked palettes? Which one is your favorite